Closeted Gay Teen: “Today I Discovered My Homophobic Dad Is Using Grindr”

A closeted gay teen made a shocking discovery while going through his father’s phone – he’s been using the gay hookup app Grindr!

The teen writes:

Found out that my “Homophobe” dad has Grindr on his iPhone when he asked me to go fetch it from the car. I am still closeted (denial/curious) so i know what Grindr is, even though I don’t have it myself. This makes it so much more confusing for me.

Redditors offered the teen some words of wisdom:

A closeted married guy on grindr might have some intense homophobia going on that he could take out on the queer kid in his care. Tread carefully. IMO coming out before moving out is a bad idea in a situation this complicated.

My dad was extremely homophobic before I came out to him when I was 18. He ended up doing a total 180 after going to therapy and eventually became the president of our local PFLAG chapter for a while. He later told me that he was bisexual and admitted that his homophobia was due to his own self hatred around being bisexual. It completely blew my mind at the time. I’m telling you he was the worst homophobic asshole. After accepting myself for being gay, I hated him for a long time for how homophobic he was. It took him a few years after I came out but it was the best possible outcome I could have hoped for. I’m not saying your dad will necessarily respond this way. I think most men lack my father’s courage. But there’s always hope. First you have to learn to accept and love yourself though. That really is extremely important.

Surprise him with a sub sandwich and say “Here dad, I thought you might like a grinder”, wink, and then leave the room. Come back with coffee: “beans fresh from the grinder!”

RELATED | “Help! Should I Let My Friend Know Her Husband’s Secretly Using Grindr?”

The teen then offered us this update:

[Update] UnEXPECTED outcome. Will keep post up for fellow redditors.
Hi all, appreciate all the kind words of help and encouragement. I don’t know how to explain it in details though: Dad stood in denial and went on the defensive, even tried to question my own sexuality. Mom still does not know and that pains me. I guess he would still be that closeted homophobe and I; that closeted homo who is too shit to do more. Maybe all of this is just in my head. Maybe i am just thinking too much.