How To Stop Worrying That Your Dick Isn’t Big Enough

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This column is part one of a weekly sex education series from Woody Miller, sex advice columnist, and author of the best-selling book, How To Top Like A Stud: A Penetrating Guide to Gay Sex. This series combines porn industry secrets with innovative techniques from the latest gay male sex research.

Do you know how big you are? Let’s find out.

The single best way to manage penis size anxiety is to actually measure it. If you want to know your exact measurements, here is the scientific procedure that urologists use:

1. Get undressed in room temperature.“Shrinkage” will occur if it’s cold. I don’t know about you, but I want every millimeter counted.

2. Use a cloth ruler. Tape measures or straightedge rulers don’t measure curvatures well.

3. Lie on your back and start where the base of your penis meets your stomach. Do NOT start from the back of your balls. Nobody includes the basement when they quote the height of a skyscraper, so don’t include the tip of your ass in quoting yours.

4. Round up to the nearest centimeter, not the nearest foot.

5. Read it and weep. Most men will fall below six inches. Check against the chart above to compare other stats.

Actually, there’s a much faster and easier way to measure your cock. You don’t even need to get hard to do it. All you have to do is stretch your flaccid flogger and measure it from the penopubic region to the tip. Believe it or not, every major study shows a high correlation between erect and flaccid/stretched length.

When all is said and done, the majority of us will fall somewhere below six inches. Skip the weepy letters about how awful it is to have an average-sized dick. Studies show there is no proof that having a big dick leads to greater sexual satisfaction.

“Send me a dick pic”

Gay men are far more obsessed with penis size than straight women are, even though both are sexually turned on by male genitalia. In most surveys women don’t even rank it in the top five.

So if it generally doesn’t matter to women, why does it matter so much to gay men?

First, because we have a bigger is better mentality.

I call it Male Math: Size + Size = Status on Stilts. That’s why men love bigger cars, bigger biceps, bigger guns, bigger wallets, bigger everything.

Second, gay men watch a lot of porn, where every penis is a wine bottle. So they have a completely unrealistic view of what a “normal” sized erect penis looks like.

Porn gives you a completely unrealistic view of what a “normal” sized erect penis looks like.

They tend to hire well-endowed performers.

Reality is a bit different.

Penile size is measured in a lot of ways. Obviously, the differences will impact the results. There are two widely recognized ways of measuring your one true thing.

The most common is the “You Wish” method popularized by gay dating and hookup apps. It involves looking at your pinky and seeing a thigh.

I’ll talk about the second way in a second.

First, the bad news: the average penis size is not six inches. The “six inch myth” got started when Kinsey did his landmark penis size study back in the 50’s. Although there were 2,000 men in his study, it had a fatal flaw. The results were self-reported. Men were asked to go into a room, get themselves hard and measure themselves.

Now tell me, would you believe anything coming out of a man’s mouth while he’s holding his dick?

Men always lie about size.

So, now every legitimate penis study includes medical staff doing the measuring and reporting. And guess what happened? The average erect penis size shrank from Kinsey’s 6.2 inches to 5.1- 5.8 inches, depending on the study.

The Journal Of Sex Medicine’s Latest Penis Size Study:

Read it and weep: The average erect penis size is less than six inches. That’s according to the latest penis size study in theJournal Of Sex Medicine.

And black men don’t have bigger penises than white men.

Combine that with data from the Centers Of Disease Control (CDC) and I have some bad news for the Blacks-As-Tripods stereotype. Black men aren’t bigger than white men in any department–not height, not weight, not BMI, and sadly, not penis size.

Hey, what’s that sound? Reality cock-blocking another myth. Take a look at some of the eye-opening penis size stats from the Journal Of Sex Medicine and height/weight figures from the CDC:

Size Category

Mean Length of Penis (in inches)

Black Men 5.77
White Men 5.58
Hispanic Men 5.57

Mean circumference (in inches)

Black Men 4.83
White Men 4.82
Hispanic Men 4.89

Height

Black Men 5’8″
White Men 5’8″
Hispanic Men 5’6″

Weight

Black Men 189 lbs
White Men 193 lbs
Hispanic Men 177 lbs

BMI

Black Men 27.1
White Men 27.1
Hispanic Men 28.0

Please note: The difference in length and circumference between the races is statistically insignificant. This study is relatively consistent with the results of prior surveys.

The totality of sexual pleasure has little to do with size. Reducing men to a hash mark on a ruler is one of those ignorant, hurtful conceits that gets in the way of great sex.

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According to the Journal of SexMedicine’s latest survey, the average erect penis size is below 6 inches. And black men aren’t more endowed than white men.

The average erect penis size is below 6 inches. So all you six-inchers who thought you were small can sigh with relief now. You have gone from“normal” to “LARGE” just by opening this book. You can feel relieved, but you’ve missed the point. For some, size has nothing to do with greater sexual satisfaction.

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How To Tell If You Need An Extra Large Condom.

Here’s an interesting trick I learned from a condom company. If you want to find out if you have a big dick without measuring it, then put a tube of toilet paper over your erect penis. If it slides all the way down to the base,you’re average or below average. If it gets stuck, then pop the champagne corks because you’re one of the lucky few. Yes, FEW. Condom manufacturers estimate that only 6% of the population needs extra-large rubbers.

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One more thing…

If you follow the instructions in my book you will be able to top like a stud. This might make you want to top everyone, but I’d like to offer some advice.

Meet my friend, Doctor Dave. He could never top until he read my book, How to Top Like a Stud.

He wanted to try his newfound skills on but he worked 14-hour days at his practice. He didn’t have the opportunity to meet a lot of people. Unfortunately, he ended up having sex with several of his patients. He tried to rationalize his behavior by reminding me that he was single. And that his patients were single. And that he wasn’t the first doctor to sleep with his patients. And that nobody was harmed by the experiences. Finally, he asked for my advice.

I said, “Dave, you’re a vet.”

My point, and I do have one, is a) never take your pets to Dr. Dave, and b) don’t take sex so seriously.

No matter how serious sex gets, there’s always room for laughter. Thank you for allowing me to help you experience a better sex life. Now, go. Top like a stud. And don’t forget to laugh.

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